IT's COMING!!!!

oh boy! oh boy! i just love Christmastime!! It really hasn't felt very much like Christmas, but i still love this time of year!

The final clue is this...this person holds a place in my heart that no one else every will be able to hold. I am blessed watching him/her mature into the person God has created them to be!

Yesterday...oh boy. Well, it wasn't that great. I mean the morning really was. Church, I sung Breath of Heaven...but the afternoon, it was just a really big test! and I'd like to say i passed with flying colors, but i passed by going to sleep. and letting it all go. and i feel better now. Friends and family keep me grounded! I could tell you song after song after song, of reminders to me from dear friends. Here are some lyrics:

"There are times when you feel that you can't go on.
There are times when you feel like giving in.
There are times when you feel like you can't try anymore.
There are times of trouble in believing

This test of faith will last, as long as it takes to pass.
Till you have no more doubt you'll endure
And your faith will emerge true and pure

No doubt it will all work out..." No Doubt by Petra

"the light at the end has faded away
one terror after another
somewhere in the fire
the embers of faith
will burn through tomorrow
you’re breathing

it’s worth the pain
God’s in the rain
it’s not too late to start again
it’s worth the pain
so hold on tonight

your passionate eyes try to explain
all the blindness you’re feeling
the six feet of lies exposed in His fire
resurrecting your sunrise
you’re breathing

there’s grace
when you’re at your wit’s end
begging for it
He’ll take you by the hand
there’s grace" Worth the Pain by Disciple

And there are so many other songs that people have shared, or that God has had me listen to...too many to count. But this is what's that the bottom of all of them.

There is pain. There is gonna be pain. Pain doesn't mean you're doing something wrong; in fact, you're probably doing something right. At least you haven't closed your heart. You can still feel--even if it's pain. And God is faithful. Always faithful. And I've come back to that again and again. Abba is a faithful God. There will be an end. I promise. I've been there. I am there. but it will end. it always does. Keep pressing on. Keep feeling. Keep living.

I had a really bad day last week, and was venting to God as i ran. And i came to this deep fear that I didn't think i had. A fear so deep down and hidden i wanted to disown it as soon as it surfaced. but this is what i said to God.
"Abba! you've been faithful over and over. and i know you've picked me up again and again. And i know that you've always been with me. but when is this gonna run out?? when are you gonna get sick of picking me up again and again?? When is it gonna be the last time? the time you get so fed up with me acting so selfish?"

"Oh my child. I never will get "fed up" with you. I'm never gonna leave you. I'm never gonna just let you stay on the ground. i promise you this: I am always gonna be here for you. Whatever it takes. However long it takes. I will be here."

Remain Strong my friends. :)

"If God brings you to it, He'll bring you thru it."

Abba is faithful. Always.

I am reminded of a song that says, "You were faithful before, You'll be faithful again. I'm holding your hand."

And He always is. What an awesome God we serve! I mean really, how can we not be amazed at the glory of God?!?!

Yesterday, in church, I was reading Isaiah 55:8-12:

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the LORD.
“As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish... so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace..."

It is just an awesome reminder of the love of my father! Which is abundant, and overflowing! I don't have to understand. And really if I was in control it wouldn't be as good. So just relax. Enjoy! God is in control. And his thoughts and plans are way better than mine!

Dare. To. Dream. Big!

P.S. oh yah. I guess you want another clue...:P

Clue #3--This person is A.M.A.Z.I.N.G.

clue #2

this person isn't the youngest member of our family...

And i know this really doesn't have anything to do with christmas but..

I love my Miss Mollie Rose. i think about how much she has improved from the first time we got her! She used to whine multiple times in the night, and had lots of "accidents" in the house, and need attention and love all the time. She could go up or down stairs. She didn't listen that well. Now she sleeps in my room, she makes me laugh all the time, she goes the the door when she needs to potty. she still loves attention, but is much better at just laying down near us (instead of ON TOP OF US!) she loves going up and down the stairs (and we sometimes make her for a nice little work out). She sleeps thru the night. she loves spending time with me even if she's just in the hall while i get ready for church. She does the cutest things. I am so thankful that I have my little doggie! She truly is a joy in my life! and she understands me! (really! she does!)

it's beinging to look a lot like christmas :D

IT'S DECEMBER!!! and our tradition is to draw names between the five of us kids. guess who i got?!? let's play a guessing game. Clue #1--it's not me ;)

Christmas is on it's way! I really can't believe it. I seems like only a few months ago that I was here again. As i looked thru my journal from last year, I was reading about how the story of Mary really effected me last year. It's such a glorified position; the mother of the savior. And yet, Mary was probably not any older than me (in fact she was probably younger) and she didn't have great living conditions. And to surrender to the plans that God had for her, meant that she became an outcast among her friends. Among the things and people and places that were her home, her security, her life. We can easily see the whole story; how if she submitted, she would play a major role in the redemption of the world. That everything would work out. That she would marry Joseph. No, I really don't think that she could see where this was going. She probably saw her life flash before her eyes! I mean, this random angel appearing is was like, "yo! Mary! God wants you for his plans. you've been chosen by god to become the mother of his son!"
"Ah....you know what the penalty for this is?!?!?! death by stoning!! I have no husband to provide for me! And if i become the mother of a son that i say is God's son, people are gonna think I'm crazy, and no man will have me as his wife!...sounds like a plan! I'm in! I'll do it!"

I mean, the nerve of this young lady! She completely shook the status quo! God didn't drag her kicking and screaming into his plans, he gave her the choice, and she said "yes."that's it. and then she just had to trust. God knew how it was gonna turn out. but did she know? I doubt it. I bet it was really difficult. but she stood but against it because she knew this was her calling. it was something God asked her to do. And she knew that all she had to do was trust. that was it. trust. and she was blessed. she held the savior of the world as a baby! And the plan that God laid out upon her life included pain, physical but also mental pain. she watched her baby die on a tree. but she still followed. she still trusted. and she knew what was at risk when she said yes. but she did.

It just amazes me. The stakes were high. The battle was hard. The dark was so black. The condemnation was pressing. and yet she dared to follow the plan, she dared to just say "yes."

We don't have to see, to trust. We don't have to understand, to trust. We don't have to hear, to trust. We don't have to feel, to trust. We don't have to control it, to trust. We don't have to "work it all out", to trust. We don't have to fully believe that it will work out, to trust. We don't have to see the end, to trust. But we have to trust. Trust. Believe that God will work it out. Hope for the best. Dare to dream big. Dare to go against the norm. Dare to go against the flow. Dare to shake things up. Trust. Doing what's our calling is blindly, and when it doesn't feel good, and when it hurts, and persevering, and not understanding, and being in the pitch black, and NOT KNOWING. that's not our job. it's not my job. and my job isn't dependent on that. my job is to trust that God will work all things out for my good. and to press on toward the goal. and to believe that there is something way bigger than me, way bigger that i can dream for, planned for me. Just Trust.

"Forget the fear, it's just a crutch. that tries to hold you back and turn your dreams to dust. all you have to do is just....TRUST." [fireflight]