Bittersweet describes chocolate, but it also describes growing up pretty well. I mean, there is so much that I'm enjoying and so much I'm looking forward to, in life. But there is a huge part of me that sometimes deeply desires and longs for the care-free, oblivious, wonderful childhood that I knew. And I am well aware of the fact that I had an unusually sweet growing up, but that only makes leaving it harder.
Sometimes, I feel so ready to conquer the world; so ready to begin my, the life that God has called me to, but at other times I feel so small, so little, so insignificant. and then there are times of just feeling plain overwhelmed. So growing up consists of alot more than just some leg pain, it's my life changing, and Abba is teaching me to bend to His will and His plans for me. (but that doesn't always change the fact that I can't see where this is going.)
I'm amazed at the speed at which the human heart can switch emotions though. It's truly amazing ;)
I've been reading Psalms and Proverbs before bed, and I am truly enjoying it. I feel like it doesn't matter how many times I read Psalms, they always speak to me in different ways. My thoughts are with my dear friend, Emily, who is following the call God has placed on her life, and is in her 2nd to final stage of a 6 month DTS. I miss her alot! but I am so very, very proud to have her inspire me! Know where she's been and come from, and knowing the amazing plans God has for her life, makes it bearable to be separated from her for this long.
And my heart is learning to wait. Restlessly, sometimes, but it's learning. I suppose it doesn't have much of a choice, for Abba is teaching me this lesson of actively waiting, but it doesn't mean that my heart catches on right away....:P
So for now, there hasn't been too much to write about, just the little things in my life that are shaping me and transforming me into someone, into something, that is beautiful. Something that is complete. Something that is exactly what Abba wants it to be! And I will hold on to that hope!
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Thursday, January 6, 2011
butterflies and things
as a little girl, I always thought butterflies were beautiful, but not something completely awe-inspiring, or captivating. they held a place in life and I remember the joy of watching one flutter by. But recently they have taken on a new meaning to me. Something deeper; more revealing. They reflect a part of my heart that has started to identify with their short lives, and their beautiful flight and their blossoming and blooming process. They have become a symbol of...me. let me explain a little more and tell you a couple things that have really confirmed and encouraged me :)
The very first time that I was compared to a butterfly was by my daddy. Which, by itself, is special to me. But even more so because the time in which it was said was a very intense time. And daddy used it to encourage me that, even though I couldn't see it, he was watching me break out of my cocoon, and become a beautiful butterfly. The person I was created to be. And that I was almost there, that my wings weren't fully out, that you couldn't see the full beauty yet, but it was soon. it was coming. and it was beautiful. And that really stood out to me.
The more I journey into me, and who i am created to be; called to be; chosen to be; destined to be; the more i feel a connection to the life and beauty of the butterfly. The challenge of being nothing, the hardship of being wrapped up and hoping for something more, the pain and fight to breakout, but the joy and beauty and freedom of the first flight.and that first glance in a pond to see the wonderful creation they are. they have come to symbolize where i am, where I've been and where I'm going. And they remind me that this isn't gonna last forever, I'm not always gonna be fight and wait, not knowing if I'm beautiful, or if i can fly, or what the world looks like, it's gonna pass, and when it does, it's gonna be a beautiful thing. It's gonna be beyond words. And i hold onto that hope. Onto that promise.
It was confirmed for me at Christmastime. one of my dear friends gave me a journal all over the cover are butterflies, flying in freedom. and the only word on the cover is this..."Treasured." how very special to me! And then this week, I have been working on Save the Date reminders for my 18th birthday/graduation party and there was a design that i ended up choosing, and on it it has a butterfly kind of blossoming out of flowers! and i just really think that it fits perfectly. I put two different quotes on it, but since everyone reading this (at least everyone subscribed) will get an invite, you'll have to wait and see ;)
So as i wait, i'm remaining. I'm chosing the hard way out. of living and not dying. of letting the battle strengthen me and not destroy me.
The very first time that I was compared to a butterfly was by my daddy. Which, by itself, is special to me. But even more so because the time in which it was said was a very intense time. And daddy used it to encourage me that, even though I couldn't see it, he was watching me break out of my cocoon, and become a beautiful butterfly. The person I was created to be. And that I was almost there, that my wings weren't fully out, that you couldn't see the full beauty yet, but it was soon. it was coming. and it was beautiful. And that really stood out to me.
The more I journey into me, and who i am created to be; called to be; chosen to be; destined to be; the more i feel a connection to the life and beauty of the butterfly. The challenge of being nothing, the hardship of being wrapped up and hoping for something more, the pain and fight to breakout, but the joy and beauty and freedom of the first flight.and that first glance in a pond to see the wonderful creation they are. they have come to symbolize where i am, where I've been and where I'm going. And they remind me that this isn't gonna last forever, I'm not always gonna be fight and wait, not knowing if I'm beautiful, or if i can fly, or what the world looks like, it's gonna pass, and when it does, it's gonna be a beautiful thing. It's gonna be beyond words. And i hold onto that hope. Onto that promise.
It was confirmed for me at Christmastime. one of my dear friends gave me a journal all over the cover are butterflies, flying in freedom. and the only word on the cover is this..."Treasured." how very special to me! And then this week, I have been working on Save the Date reminders for my 18th birthday/graduation party and there was a design that i ended up choosing, and on it it has a butterfly kind of blossoming out of flowers! and i just really think that it fits perfectly. I put two different quotes on it, but since everyone reading this (at least everyone subscribed) will get an invite, you'll have to wait and see ;)
So as i wait, i'm remaining. I'm chosing the hard way out. of living and not dying. of letting the battle strengthen me and not destroy me.
Monday, January 3, 2011
While I have time...:)
Oh my! I was gonna write back sometime 2 weeks ago, and then didn't. And then i was gonna post last week, but didn't. So now, while i have time, I'll post a little something starting with this...
Simeon was my name exchange. I really don't know what all to say except this: as the youngest of five children, he has his own battles to come thru, some of which are a result of his (less than) perfect siblings, but some of which are just sin nature. My littlest brother and I share a strange likeness of personality. Simeon and I are the two who are most outgoing, stubborn, strong-willed and outspoken. When we fight, we fight verbally and emotionally. But we also understand each other in a way that none of the other family does. Often, when we have driven Mom, Dad and Abigail away because of a mood we're in, it's the other one to come and try to bring some sunshine and comfort. As we continue to grow, I'm excited to see what's in store for us. Fighting thru ourselves to get to the other...it's a fight worth fighting. (And because i know he reads this) I love you Simeon! I remember the day you were born. I remember your chubby little checks and being so proud of having another sibling! I know that many times we butt heads, but inside you hold a place that can never be destroyed. You understand me in a different way, and I've no doubt that you would be the first to bale me out of jail if i needed it (not that i would EVER do anything like that ;) ) I would do anything in my power to rescue you and help you. You are so special, never forget that! I love you.
And it's a mere 9 days until I become an adult. funny. i thought you were supposed to be grown up when you were a "grown up"! haha! I guess not! Oh 2011, welcome welcome!
If 2011 is anything like 2010, it's gonna be an amazing year!
And with that, the coffee has finished brewing and I've got places to go and people to see, so i'm gonna log off and post again...later ;)
Simeon was my name exchange. I really don't know what all to say except this: as the youngest of five children, he has his own battles to come thru, some of which are a result of his (less than) perfect siblings, but some of which are just sin nature. My littlest brother and I share a strange likeness of personality. Simeon and I are the two who are most outgoing, stubborn, strong-willed and outspoken. When we fight, we fight verbally and emotionally. But we also understand each other in a way that none of the other family does. Often, when we have driven Mom, Dad and Abigail away because of a mood we're in, it's the other one to come and try to bring some sunshine and comfort. As we continue to grow, I'm excited to see what's in store for us. Fighting thru ourselves to get to the other...it's a fight worth fighting. (And because i know he reads this) I love you Simeon! I remember the day you were born. I remember your chubby little checks and being so proud of having another sibling! I know that many times we butt heads, but inside you hold a place that can never be destroyed. You understand me in a different way, and I've no doubt that you would be the first to bale me out of jail if i needed it (not that i would EVER do anything like that ;) ) I would do anything in my power to rescue you and help you. You are so special, never forget that! I love you.
And it's a mere 9 days until I become an adult. funny. i thought you were supposed to be grown up when you were a "grown up"! haha! I guess not! Oh 2011, welcome welcome!
If 2011 is anything like 2010, it's gonna be an amazing year!
And with that, the coffee has finished brewing and I've got places to go and people to see, so i'm gonna log off and post again...later ;)
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