Yah, It's true. I actually do think about you! A lot really. And I'm learning a lot without you here beside me. And sometimes I wonder how it's possible to miss something you've never known, and yet my heart misses you. And sometimes I wonder why on earth God would let me feel this way, and yet i know--it's to make me stronger for you. And for awhile i didn't know what to do with my heart, but now i know what i need to do.
My love, I love you now, and I always will. I'll love you even if you mess up. And even when we walk thru some really hard stuff together, I'm not gonna leave you. which is why I'm willing to wait. And i used to think that waiting was just something to pass time before you came to sweep me off my feet. Heck No!! I am NOT waiting around. Quite the opposite! I'm gonna be journeying, discovering, exploring, running, dancing, becoming me, without you. I'm gonna actively wait! And I am convinced that Abba wants that. Because then I will know who i am, without you, because then and only then can i completely you and you complete me.
But there's a catch. My heart doesn't stop and just wait passively. and it's not content to just become me. it longs for you. it wants you. but as it waits, it becomes stronger, more pure, more yours. And so, my love, I'm gonna wait for you. I'm gonna stand in the pain of longing, because it's there that I learn to fall in love. I learn to fall in love with my Jesus and He teaches me to fall in love with you. And it doesn't make it easier. It doesn't hurt less. It doesn't mean that I don't look at the stars and wonder when we'll look at them together. And it doesn't mean I want to be rain-walking alone. And it doesn't mean I don't think about you. It doesn't mean that I don't wonder what it will feel like for you to put your arms around me. And it doesn't mean I don't wonder what it will be like to look you in the eyes and let the world slip away. And it doesn't mean that I don't want to hear you call me 'baby' and 'beautiful'.It means that i will wait. I will be strong. I will remain. Will you wait for me?
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