Tuesday, July 19, 2011

My Heart's Desire

Today, as I was pondering my life and processing through where I am, I had a thought that made me halt my thinking, rewind, and pause again to gaze curiously at this new revelation. It boiled down the the fact that I am standing in the coming-of-age chapter of life that I, at one time, could only imagine.
After coming to that rather shocking revelation, I just let my thoughts flutter around like butterflies, flying where they wanted to. They didn't rest on questions like, "I wonder when I'll start to date" or "I wonder who I'll get married to". Instead, they flutter around and rested on a chord in my heart, a chord that simply asks, "what does my heart desire most? what does it desperately want?" I don't know if I'm unique, or strange, but often I answer my own questions as I processes. And so my heart began to answer my mind. My heart desires to know it is treasured. My heart wants someone to tell me every single day that I am loved. My heart desires to know that it's captivating and beautiful. My heart desires to love deeply, without fear. It desires to trust, to hope, to journey with someone who understands. It desires to be who it's created to be, without judgment. It desires to be held. And in return, my heart desires to love passionately, deeply, recklessly. It wants to "unveil mystery (as John Eldridge puts it)" It desires to blossom for that love. And to return everything wholly.
Now, why might I tell you all this, when it's so deeply personal? Because, that is not the end of the thought process. No, it continued on, continued to go deeper into my heart.

Abba is everything my heart desires. And his call upon my life, no matter who enters or who leaves, is to follow him. And as I do, everything my heart desires will be fulfilled. The deepest desires that blossom and grow inside me, are fulfilled in Abba. He is the perfect romancer. He knows the beats of my heart better than I do. And even more than that, every single day He is telling me he loves me, that he is captivated, that I can trust him, that I rely on him, that he will hold me and up hold me.

And it makes me stand in awe. what else can I do when I'm loved like this?

Everything my heart desires is already being fulfilled. Someday, it will become tangible; someone will fulfill those desires. Until that time, I remain. and remain strong.


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