Wow. There has been so much going on lately. Working two part time jobs is exhausting and yet fulfilling in a very different and unique way.
This past week has been very odd, especially in the ways of my heart. My heart hasn't felt this alive in, hum....,forever? It's a strange and wonderful feeling, just to soak in the joy of a heart fully alive. Oh, it's not there yet, but there is a deep, deep place in my heart that only music and my Abba can touch. I imagine that when people talk of "being in love" a deep part of their heart comes alive like this, but for now, it's gonna stay gated off--closed--just for me and abba. well, and music. music stirs my heart in a deep, intense, passionate way that nothing else does. except god. and sometimes writing. and sometimes running. or dancing. or swinging. or walking in the rain. or sometimes...ok. but in this deep way, it's new. it's amazing. But I once read that with the opportunity for a heart fully alive, comes the opportunity for great pain. and i think that that is so true. Cuz in many ways this week has had this weird two layer sort of thing going on. the bottom layer is achy, but the over layer is this true joy. and true happiness. like the laughter and smiles, those haven't been fake or forced. they have truly been real. so it's kind of an odd place to be, but it's good.
so life keeps plugging along, and i've decided that the joy of a heart fully alive, is worth the pain that comes. so even when it's hard, i've been working to remain. in spite of the pain. becuz i've tasted the victory. i know that there will be an end. Remain strong!
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