so...

Alot has been going on. but i don't have anything to write about. is that weird?

actually, it's more like, I don't know how to write down everything that I've been processing.

Yesterday i was told i didn't have a job anymore. Yesterday i had an amazing conversation with a friend. :D (you know who you are ;) ) but that also made me think. Yesterday I fell in love....i heard what you're thinking..."WHAT?!?!? is this even the same person that i thought was writing this blog?!?!? You fell in love?!?! :O" Before you send me all kinds of messages about it, i didn't fall in love in a romantic way. I learned to fall in love truly. enough to let go. enough to care. enough to become vulnerable. enough to love truly. Does that make sense? God taught me to fall into love. falling into love is very different than falling in love.

needless to say, my emotions are up and down and all around. but it's OK. this is exactly where I'm supposed to be. Maybe when i figure out a little more what's what, I'll post ;)

When the heart cries.

Unwanted and thrown away the life and breath are robbed of an unborn baby; as they cry without noise. It's then my heart cries.
Empty arms of a mother who has waited and longed. Empty, hopeless heart, as her little one slipped away. Not even a picture to save. It's then my heart cries.
A child laying on their bed, afraid of the dark, afraid of the fights, afraid of the dark nights. It's then my heart cries.
Sitting on the bathroom floor, once again, once more, secrets inside, she can no longer see me in her eyes. It's then my heart cries.
When beauty becomes a mask for the pain and hurt. Denying to see. It's then my heart cries.
Threatening to take the life that I've given, the life that i prize. It's then my heart cries.
when you no longer believe in the purpose the destiny you have. It's then my heart cries.
Looking around, the hurt, the pain of the world. It's then my heart cries.
For the little ones, half way across the world, unknown to me who have never known what it is to not be hungry. It's then my heart cries.
When the cancer spreads, you're tired and worn out; ready to surrender. It's then my heart cries.
For the children who've lost more than should be allowed. walking without a daddy to hug them; a mother to nurture them. It's then my heart cries.
The broken heart, once again. searching for the love it never knew. and when it's taped together and tries again, only to be shattered once more. It's then my heart cries.
When you can't see me in your eyes. It's then my heart cries.
When you don't believe that i hear. It's then my heart cries.
I am not a passive God. I am not a God who is faithless. I will seek out your accusers. I will bring judgement. I will bring revenge. I am holy. I am mighty. I am who I am. I was. I will be. I am always here; everywhere. When you stand, you won't be alone. You ask me to never leave, as you cry because of the pain. My child, don't you know, you had that promise since before you were born.
To some I have given my voice to speak. to heal.
To some i have given my wisdom to learn. to encourage.
To some i have given my ears to hear. to listen. to help
And to some i have given my heart, to bleed. To cry. To feel.
I am coming. I will come.
Let your heart cry. Let it bleed. Let it feel. let me heal. You. and others thru you.
My heart cries when the orphan finds a home.
My heart cries when in your darkest night you find my light.
My heart cries when You open your eyes and chose to see everything that you're meant to be.
I cry for joy, not just for pain. I cry because i love you. I am a jealous God. I am a passionate lover. I am relentless. I am who I am.

My heart cries. My heart heals. My heart is everything that you need. Everything you are meant to be. Come to me. Come to my heart. Come. Come. Come.


{his is still in progress, but i thought you might be interested...:)}

{enter title that fits here ;)]

Wow. Since i last wrote everything has been just fine and dandy...not :P

I wish i could say that is a true statement, but it's not. Everything hasn't been OK. After i led worship on Tuesday at youth cell, i led worship at our cell group (on Wednesdays) OK so Thursday...It was really rainy and yucky out, and that just reflected my mood perfectly. I felt really...oppressed. I'm not sure if that's the right word. But i felt like i was walking around in a thunder cloud. I'm familiar to what that feels like, I lived in it for a season, but i didn't like it coming back. I didn't understand why, all the sudden, i felt like this again...

DING!! The realization hit me. What I did on Tuesday and Wednesday wasn't appreciated my my enemy. and he engaged me into battle once again.


I don't really have all this figured out, but I know this...The victory is worth the battle. Because the victory has been won by Jesus. I could chose not to walk into situations that set me up for the battle again, but that's not what I've been asked to do. I'll walk in what I'm chosen and called for, because i know anything that comes afterwards will be worth the pain.

So stay strong. Stand strong. The victory is worth the pain.

"It's gonna be worth it. It's gonna be worth it. It's gonna be worth it all..."